Letters from Mercutio

Dearest friends,

I have been having quite a ball in Hawai’i. The sun is hot, and so are the females. I have no idea why Romeo thinks Verona is so great. I would be happy to have been exiled. I would have gone straight to Hawai’i. In fact, I think I will speak to you in the native language of the people here in Hawai’i, a.k.a. pidgin.

            Sup bois. Ova hea in Hawai’i, it is goin pretty cherreh. The scraps are just my speed. The kanaks like to get down and dirty just like me. There are also some pretty wild ragers goin on in this 808 state. I neva gon leave cuz Hawai’i is just my style.

            It took me a long time to learn the language of the people here, but they have so much Aloha that they are not hard to learn from. But the problem here is that there is too much love going around. It is sickening for me. I do love this state, but this may be the deal breaker.

            Romeo you fool! Do not complain about your status of banishment. It is a better status than dead. Just because you love Verona does not mean that you cannot find another place to love. Take Juliet with you and run away. You can be happy with her somewhere else. Of course nobody listens to the wisdom of Mercutio. One day you will all learn how smart I really was. I was never just a pretty face.

From a beach in Hawai’i,

Mercutio

        

The Last Will and Testimony of Mercutio

To whom I leave my most prized possessions:

My dearest friend Romeo Montague- For you Romeo, I leave my precious rapier. I do truly hope that you will use this to get back at the Capulets. I also leave you my heart of stone.  

Benvolio- I leave to you my witty puns and jokes. I also hope that you will carry on my legacy of never needing love. And keep the parties going in memory of me.

Tybalt- I leave you in the hope that you will eat Montague dust!

Friar Lawrence- Thank you for sitting and listening to all of my unforgivable sins. I know sometimes you just wanted to slap me upside my head, but thank you for not doing that.

Lord Montague- I leave you my home and estate, so you may throw a party even grander then the Capulet’s will ever be able to.

Juliet- For you I leave Romeo. I have been his friend and have always thought it my job to protect him from the evils of love. Obviously because of you, that will never happen. Guard his heart as I have.

Nurse- I leave all the money I have to you, dear Nurse. SIKE! I leave you all the fans I own, for your face needs them dearly.

           I will be going on a vacation for some time. Please use the gifts I have bestowed upon you wisely. I think I will go to Hawai’i. I hear the girls are especially ‘fine’ there.

With no love,

Mercutio

                 I cannot talk for much longer, for I must go. I heard Tybalt was going to challenge Romeo today. I will be there when it happens, sword at the ready. In fact, I am walking there right now. The new technology we have now days is incredible. I have a hard time keeping up. Right now I am updating you on my whereabouts from this square thing called an iPhone. Weird name for such a device. My thumbs have quite a hard time with such a small screen. I have to be 'hip' and cool with all the hooligans running around Verona.

                Romeo is still caught up on Juliet. I still do not have a love. Neither do I want one. I cannot stress to any of you more the importance of never falling in love. It will ruin you life, trust me. 

                That party myself and Benvolio went to the other night was quite......what is the words the kids are using now days, a rager. No idea what that means but I think it is the right word for what we did. We partied hard. Unfortunately I do not remember what happened after I left the party, so if I did something to you, please pardon it. I have arrived at the fight!
                The fight with Tybalt did not go well. If only Romeo had not gotten in my way, I could have done more damage to Tybalt. My last hope is that Romeo got revenge on Tybalt in my behalf. I could die with ease if I knew Romeo had finally put his rapier to use. He is a wimp with these kinds of things. I also regret to inform you that I have been wounded. I must go now, for I am bleeding extensively.

                

           

           Hello fellow citizens of Verona! Fine day we are having, isn't it? I engaged in two sword fights today, and let me just say that my rapier was exceptional. If any of you Capulet scum dare challenge me you will be met by my fury!
           Romeo seems to be doing swell after Lord Capulet's ball the other night. He seems to be quite over that one which he calls Rosaline. That is a relief for it was hard to see my best friend so depressed. He thought he could love no other. So of course being the honorable friend I am, I took him to the Capulet ball so he could see that Rosaline was a wench compared to the other fair ladies of Verona. But if what rumors I hear are true, he has engaged with someone new, someone who goes by the name..... oh what was it, oh yes Juliet! When I get my hands on him I will shake some sense into him! He does not need a woman in his life; in fact, he is better off without one. Love is for dreamers. Who needs love? I don't need it! In fact look how much better I have done without it. Anyway, enough with talk of love. There is a more important case at stake here. That Capulet scum Tybalt tried to challenge Romeo at the ball. If he thinks that he will get even close to Romeo, he is mistaken. He will have to go through me first! I can take on any adversary who blocks my path! Beware Tybalt.

Who needs love? Apparently Romeo needs a different one every day.

If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.